The Jewel in the Knot: A New Paradigm Perspective on Why "Bad" Things Happen by Patricia F. Hare

	The Jewel in the Knot: A New Paradigm Perspective on Why "Bad" Things Happen by Patricia F. Hare, MAT, MA There’s a stage in the creative visualization process when something you don’t want and don’t expect to happen is very likely to happen. For example, if you are working toward creating an improved financial situation, you may suddenly have to replace your roof to the tune of $10,000. If your goal is to have greater intimacy with your partner, you may find that you and your partner are having 2.7 more arguments per week than before you started using creative visualization to “fix” things. A third example would be gaining 10 pounds after beginning to visualize a new, slimmer you. Reasonable people may be tempted to think of this thing that happens as a “bad” thing. (I know that for some time I did.) And not only is it “bad,” but man, is it embarrassing! Here you are, being all positive and ♪spiritual♫, happily working to create your heart’s desire and then—boom!—some crappy…er, bad…thing (hereafter referred to as “Unwelcome Event”) seems to land on you from out of the blue. Yikes! You must be doing something very wrong! Well, actually, no—it’s more likely you are doing something very right. Years ago (in the late 1980s), in regard to one such “Unwelcome Event” that had landed on me, I was advised to look for the *jewel in the knot. Hmmm…The jewel in the knot…I turned that image over in my mind. You untie a knot and inside you find a jewel.* I don’t know if it was my youth or mental density or something else, but I couldn’t quite get my mind around what that really meant. The jewel in the knot... Over time, as I continued to learn about and practice the art of creative visualization, I began to notice that these “Unwelcome Events” seemed to make their most dramatic appearances at a particular point in the process—after step 4. Since there were only 5 steps, this seemed a little late in the game for problems to start popping up! Hmmm…The jewel in the knot… You untie a knot and inside you find a jewel. I wonder how exactly that works…hmmm… Life is soooo accommodating. I was soon given an opportunity to answer that question.
	The Knot I’m driving down a street in my neighborhood approaching a main artery (as I’d done hundreds of times prior) and have the green light. I slow to turn right. Bam! I am hit on the driver’s side by a truck and spun around. Dazed, I look back at the light to be sure I saw correctly—I did. My car is totaled. I am shaken-up but unharmed. The police come but there are no witnesses and two drivers claiming to have had the green light, so no ticket is issued. My husband takes me to the doctor to have me checked out—all is well. He takes me home while he returns to finish his work. I have time to think.
	The Search for the Jewel The jewel in the knot…what should I be looking for here…? I began to look at the experience as if it were dream I was interpreting. I am going along, following the rules and am hit. (It was an intersection where there were lots of shrubs and reduced visibility.) Clearly, the driver had no intention of hitting anyone; he just carelessly ran a red light. He was, in fact, more shaken up than I was by the experience. He thought he might have killed me. How did this experience make me feel? Vulnerable. What situation in my life felt like that? What was this experience reflecting for me? The answer came to me very quickly: My relationship with my mother. At that time, I still had a very difficult relationship with my mother. I had earned two master’s degrees, made a wonderful marriage, experienced a bit of business success with my husband’s and my bookstore, and I had just published the first edition of my book on creative visualization. Yet there were no words of praise, pride, or any recognition from my mother. Up until then, I had felt that she was deliberately holding back any motherly support for me. In fact, I thought she was being mean to me on purpose. More than her criticisms (of which there was adequate supply) it was her lack of acknowledgement that hurt me the most. On top of that, I had experienced a very painful loss not long before and she had made no mention of it at any point—not even a sympathy card. Hmmm….hmmm….hmmm…look for the jewel in the knot…This accident was about my relationship with my mother. I had the impulse that afternoon to invite her over to my house. She was bemused by the invitation, but she came. I served tea and some kind of snack. I distinctly remember seeing her sit awkwardly on my sofa, sipping her tea. She didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know why she was there. She was at a loss as to what to do in my house. Here, my energy dominated. I got brassy—I brought out my book. I showed it to her and she politely looked through it. That’s very nice, she said. (She was clueless about creative visualization and I am sure that she was just being polite.) We chatted a bit more and I began to see her in a very different way. She seemed fragile and unsure of herself. That afternoon, the recognition slowly washed over me that between us, she was not the strong one. Between us, she was the one who felt most like a child.
	Finding the Jewel Whoa! Now there was a revelation. I’m not going to say that she never irritated me again, but after that meeting I realized as I never had before that I was looking for something from someone who didn’t have it to give. For whatever reason (that had nothing to do with me) my mother simply couldn’t take her focus off herself and her needs. Whatever was going on with her toward me, it wasn’t personal. This was not unlike the driver of the car that hit me. He wasn’t trying to hit me, he was focusing on zipping down that road. Focusing on himself and his needs. But, again, not personal. And think about it! I got hit broadside and I walked away. Does that sound like what happens to a vulnerable person? No! The experience was reflecting for me how much power I truly did have, if only I would recognize it—and stop giving it to my mother. The insurance covered the loss (with no penalty on premiums) and I had, within a week, a sporty red Honda to drive. I enjoyed that Honda for many years, but the real jewel of this experience was a release of resentment toward my mother and a recognition that it was time for me to step up to a new level of adulthood with a greater awareness of my own power. (Okay, that’s two jewels.)
	Why Do "Unwelcome Events" Usually Occur After Step 4? The first four steps of the process I teach are the steps that create the goal. (The final step is one of receiving.) When a student has done the work and really gotten the energy going toward creating their goal, whatever stands between the student and the goal (AKA a “blockage or barrier”) will present itself to be worked with and cleared away. “Unwelcome Events” don’t have to be dramatic car crashes. In fact, I don’t recommend letting things get that far at all! Life regularly offers us little reflections of the contents of our consciousness. By looking for the jewels in the little knots we experience, we can reduce the number of bigger knots in our lives and eventually only experience new knots in response to our greater levels of growth. (New levels bring new challenges.) The best news is that with practice, life’s knots become easier and more fun to untie! Got anything knotty going on? Then I suggest that you look for the jewel… --by Patricia F. Hare, Copyright © 2005 Return to Articles Page Return to Home Page